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Everything Old is New Again

July 23, 2009 · Filed under Rants, Trends · Tagged 10 Things I Hate About You, 90210, Clarissa Explains it All, Inc., Melrose Place, Models, Ruby and the Rockits, Salute Your Shorts, The Beautiful Life: TBL, Twilight, Vampire Diaries

Happy Tuesday, dear reader(s)! As we promised you last week, we are going weekly starting today! Tuesday! Because a glorious Tuesday it is! What’s that? It’s Thursday? Well crap.

Anyhoo, we at the ATM offices have been very busy keeping tabs on both the summer TV lineup and the soon-to-debut fall programming. As we pour over press releases for The Vampire Diaries (it’s not a Twilight knock-off, TYVM. Except for the acting. And the whole vampire thing…whatevs) and build up our second season 90210 stamina (that first season was Dulls-ville!), we’re noticing a trend in “new” TV shows. It’s a trend we like to call “everything old is new again.”

Case in point: On a dull Tuesday night (are you sure today isn’t Tuesday?), Co-Creator A flipped on ABC Family, one of the few channels to offer non-reality new programming during the hot summer months. Never one to let us down, ABC Fam was premiering a new episode of one show and debuting the pilot of another. Fantastic. However, those shows were 10 Things I Hate About You, which we all know was stolen from, er, inspired by the film, and Ruby and the Rockits, a sitcom about a girl who discovers her dad is an aging rockstar and goes to live with his family, including his brother who is also an aging rockstar. Said washed up rockstars are played by David Cassidy (aka Keith Partridge) and his real-life brother Patrick Cassidy. Where was other famous Cassidy brother Shaun, you ask? Producing and creating the damn show! Really? REALLY?!

Laughing hysterically at the nonsense that was a blast from Nick at Nite past, A flipped the channel to the CW where 90210 was on a commercial break. The CW, clearly hoping to capitalize on the inexplicable popularity that is the new version of everyone’s 7th grade fave nighttime soap, ran an ad for the new Melrose Place. Now, we have to be honest with you, dear reader(s): Melrose Place looks freaking awesome! And yes, we said the same of 90210 and were nothing but underwhelmed with the results, but dude, how much does Ashlee Simpson look like a little mini-Sydney?? AND do you know who plays the blonde lesbian on the show?? Katie Cassidy! Do you know who her dad is?? DAVID CASSIDY! Talk about a primetime battle of the network stars past and present!!

As if the new Melrose wasn’t enough Aaron Spelling deja vu, the CW is also rolling out The Beautiful Life. (PS, they gave it a nickname, TBL. Good luck with that. Giving yourself a nickname never works. A tried to give herself the nickname Tate for a while. Notice we don’t call her Co-Creator T.) This show may be produced by Ashton Kutcher (don’t EVEN get us started), but it’s CLEARLY a knock-off of the short lived (yet totally awesome) Models, Inc. And for that reason alone, we will watch.

What’s our point here? Our point is that the kids these shows are marketed to (yes, we do actually realize we’re not the demographic) have no idea these shows or their stars existed long before they were singing Hilary Duff songs into their baby hairbrushes. Networks are passing off ideas stolen from our generation (and our parent’s generation, sheesh David Cassidy!) as new programming! It’s not cool.

And even less cool is the fact that it gives us more reason to watch these shows instead of the ones made for our demographic (you know, like Law and Order or CSI New Jersey). And for that we are eternally angry. And grateful.

Now if only they’d remake Clarissa Explains it All or Salute Your Shorts. We miss Budnick. And Ferg-face.

Melrose Place then...

Melrose Place now.

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Peter Facinelli’s Twilight Drinking Game Amendment

July 2, 2009 · Filed under Celebs, Trends · Tagged Awesome Twilight Musings, drinking game, New Moon, Peter Facinelli, Twilight

While she was on the phone with Peter Facinelli yesterday, Co-Creator A told him all about the Twilight Drinking Game we created. (He thought it was great, PS. Duh!) We asked if he’d be willing to give us a Carlisle-related drinking rule for New Moon. (He was, but you’ll have to wait for November for that one, Twi-hards. Ha!) This was his response:

“First, I gotta give you one for Twilight: Everytime I put my hand on Rob’s shoulder. Rob and I would joke about that all the time. In the script it was always like ‘Carlisle comes in, puts his hand on his son’s shoulder.’ So Rob and I would always laugh because I’d be like every time I come in, I’m supposed to put my hand on your shoulder…like that’s a fatherly gesture. And whenever I see Rob now, I put my hand on his shoulder and we laugh.”

Not only did Peter Facinelli give us TWO—count them, TWO—drinking game rules, he gave us an RPattz anticdote!! It was like winning the lottery three times in one day!

: Peter teaches Kellan the rules of the game…

PS Co-Creator M obvs isn’t the only one with mad Photoshop skills! Ha!

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That’s What She Said

May 26, 2009 · Filed under Advice, Trends · Tagged Borat, Jamie Foxx, Paris Hilton, That's what she said

It’s no secret that we here at ATM love a good trend. We’re usually the first ones to jump on the bandwagon, immerse ourselves in taking full advantage of its trendiness, and (more often than not) the last ones to let it fall to the wayside. Take for example Wayfarers, the emo scarf, and this season’s jump suit. We’ve embraced them, loved them like they were our own, and still work to keep their awesomeness alive (in fact, Co-Creator A is wearing all three today!). But in our attempt to be your definitive source for all things awesome, there’s one trend that we’ve pushed too hard (that’s what she said!!): the “that’s what she said” catch phrase.

While it might seem like catch phrases are born out of thin air—think Borat’s “niiiice” or Paris Hilton’s “that’s hot”—we here at ATM know that it takes a lot of time, dedication, and many a blank stare to coin a catchy phrase. Over the past week we have sacrificed our pride (and a few friends) as we experimented with some new slogans to bring you what we believe will become the season’s hottest vocal accessories:

Polly want a cracker?

This commonly heard phrase makes the perfect ending to any awesome story you tell. For instance, after boasting to a friend that you scored a free drink and a hot guy’s number at a bar, follow up with “Polly want a cracker?” It’s less offensive than “now what, bitch?” but has a very similar effect. It also makes a great cut down. When someone talks up something they’ve done, don’t ask if they want a cookie, just look them square in the eye and say, “Polly want a cracker?” You’ll take the wind out of their sails in no time!

Blame It on the ah, ah, ah, al-cohol.

We’ve all sung along with Jaime Foxx’s hit song, but now it’s time to steal it and make it your own (just like Flo Rida did with Dead Or Alive’s “You Spin Me Round”). When someone says something unbelievable, controversial, or downright crazy, you’ve got every right to interject, “blame it on the [enter culprit in the form of a stuttered word].” Just the other night, an ATM fan expressed how cool it was that Co-Creator A had written a Google Newsfeed worthy post. To the incredible news, we responded, “blame it on the al, al, ala, Alison,” to give her a much deserved shout out

If I were a magician…

This multi-purpose phrase is certain to change your life. Someone getting on your nerves? Tell them “if I were a magician, I’d make you disappear.” Bestie lost her hobo bag? Tell her “if I were a magician, I’d pull it out of my hat!” We may not be a magician, but we’re enough of a psychic to tell you this one’s going to take off!

Dunzel Washington

Tired of the same old “dunzo” label? We’ve combined the name of a favorite Academy Award Winning actor with the act of something being over to create this soon-to-be-a-classic phrase. If something is tired and stale, just look at your friend/co-worker/mom/mall employee and say “that is so Dunzel Washington!” (This phrase is in no way, shape or form affiliated with Mr. Washington himself, nor does he endorse its use.)

A Warning: While funny, we don’t recommend making loud whale noises. Trust us on this one.

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Q: Which Facebook Quiz Best Describes You?

March 26, 2009 · Filed under Friends, Trends · Tagged bacon, Facebook, Robert Pattison, Twilight

A: All of them!

It’s hard to believe, but here at the ATM offices we dwell on more than just default photos, Twilight, and celeb gossip. Take yesterday for instance, when we spent the better half of the morning discussing journalistic integrity and source credibility of “trusted” news outlets (just who is this “close to R Patz source” making claims that our favorite leading man “doesn’t shower” and “completely reeks,” E! News?). But then there are the days when we get a little more personal and dig down deep to answer questions like: Which Marvel superhero am I most like or who was I in a past life? No matter how much we debate, Google search, or poll people on the streets, we’ve never been able to answer these and other tough questions about ourselves. That is until now. Thanks to Facebook we finally know which Philosopher we are, which president we’re most like, and if we’re clinically insane.

Never has it been easier to learn more about yourself! Log on to Facebook, scroll through your news feed, and click on any of the 27 quizzes that pop up as completed by your friends. Ever wondered which 80’s movie defines you? Been dying to know what your nickname is? Or perhaps you’re not sure where you should be living. Facebook is now your own personal horoscope, Magic 8 Ball, and Tarot Card reader all in one. In just 7 questions, you’ll know that your life is just like Say Anything, your nickname should be Tom (determined by how many times a day you poop and how long it takes you to get ready in the morning), and that you’ll only be happy living in NYC. Answers that you didn’t and won’t get from spending 4 years in college, spending a year traveling abroad, or starting one of the internet’s most popular ezines.

While it doesn’t happen often, we here at ATM do admit when we’re wrong. Earlier in the week we chastised the new Facebook for its user-supplied info news feed, but with these new quizzes never has it been easier to learn the truth about OTHERS- our friends, exes, and current paramours. The old Facebook only knew who posted on a wall, who was in a relationship, and who was going to Saturday’s Bacon Fest (mmm…bacon). But the new Facebook knows ALL and doesn’t mind sharing it with the world! Thanks to Facebook you know the flavor of your cute neighbor’s inner Jolly Rancher (wait that didn’t come out right…or did it?), your best friend’s ability to survive a zombie attack, and your 8th grade best friend’s favorite type of dog. This info is extremely helpful (you were totally going to leave Green Apple Jolly Ranchers on your neighbor’s welcome mat. It’s a good thing you know he’s more of a Cherry guy), especially when your news feed shows that your ex was rated, “Horrible?!” after taking the “am I good in bed” quiz (now everyone will understand what went wrong and why you’re single again!).

Facebook has somehow done it again and forever will we be grateful. First the social networking site reunited us with friends we forgot we had and now is giving us the answers we’ve been searching for, letting us know a little bit more about ourselves (and others) in its own Dr. Phil kinda way. Now if only it could tell me what to wear to work today…

It’s Hard Out Here for a Fan

March 23, 2009 · Filed under Rants, Trends · Tagged Bella, Brett Michaels, Edward, movies, Nick Jonas, Robert Pattison, Twilight

Editor’s Note: We want to thank you, dear ATM reader(s), for sticking by us through this recent Twilight obsession. We realize that not all of you are as hardcore about being Twi-hards as we are, and we appreciate your patience as we work through it and get our Edward-loving musings out of our collective systems. We promise, this will be the last Twilight post for a while (until we get the board game and we have to post the drinking rules…or until Co-Creator M gives A the password to the site back so she can keep writing). As our temporary Twilight farewell post, Co-Creator A (who, let’s face it, is more obsessed with the whole thing than even Stephenie Meyer ever was) would like to talk about how hard it can be to love the vampy series.

It truly is hard out here for a fan. First there’s the alienation. Friends who haven’t read the books don’t get it: it’s a teen romance novel, how lame. They don’t understand that it’s more than that! Plus, this makes it tough to include quippy Twilight references in everyday dialogue. When I say I am drinking my coffee Jacob, they don’t know that I am referring to Jacob Black (get it? I’m pretty proud of that one!). When I predict what’s going to happen in any given situation and get it right and call myself Alice, there’s no laughter. Only confused looks and eye rolling. Awkward.

And while my close friends do love the series, none of them share my extreme obsession with it. (If Twilight was Bella, they’re Mike Newton and I’m Edward. It’s a totally different level of devotion! BTW, if you laughed at that joke, you can be my BFF!)

None of them understand why I am on my fourth (not kidding) round of reading the books. (To be fair, I have purchased other books in recent months, but none of them hold my interest and I always return to Forks to catch up with my old friends. Plus, my Twilight bookmark just reminds me of what I’m missing!) None of them get why I spend every Sunday morning calling every Toys R Us, Wal-Mart and Target in a tri-county area to find the board game (though they are willing to play it if I throw in a drinking game or two).

And that’s another thing! I’m running out of products! Now that the DVD has been released (I currently own 4 copies of the movie. That’s too much even for me.) and I’ve read all the books, there’s nothing left for me! Sure sure, the board game is out there somewhere (though no one seems to have it in stock, nor be able to tell me when I can get it), but until Stephenie Meyer’s next book (The Twilight Saga: The Official Guide) comes out (there’s currently NO release date! WTF?!) or until the new movie releases on November 21, I’m out of Twi-lectibles and Twi-life experiences! (Well, there is the convention this summer, but they have yet to approve ATM for press passes…a fact that keeps me up nights. That and my re-reading hobby.)

And while I was hoping to meet new Twiabetic friends at the DVD release the other night, I have to admit, the crowd was a little more teen than 20-something. The only adult options were an overzealous soccer mom who was so fervent about her Twilight trivia responses that I thought she was going to pull a hammy, and a really creepy 40-something guy with a mullet who, if he hadn’t been so good at answering the trivia questions, I would have assumed would be starring in a future installment of To Catch a Predator. The whole thing was enough to send me into a Twi-abetic coma (sorry if that was offensive, Bret Michaels and Nick Jonas. Have you two met, BTW?).

In closing, I’d just like to remind all of you non-fans and lukewarm fans that we Twi-hards have feelings too. And just because our (not-so) guilty pleasure comes in the form of a teen romance novel in which vampires sparkle in the sun and dote on their human paramours, doesn’t make us any less cool than those of you who love to play Rock Band or watch South Park. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some toy stores to call and some reading to do.

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