Archive for Love

Relationship Status: It’s Complicated

July 28, 2009 · Filed under Love · Tagged , , ,

Let’s skip over the formalities of apologizing for our tardiness in posting last week, dear reader(s), you know the drill: Paying work gets in the way of our passion (that passion being you…and all things ATM-related), muses dwindle (Daisy of Love just doesn’t inspire the way Gossip Girl does. PS London? Really?!), and we started a new website: Awesome Taste in Music! All in all, it’s been a busy month or so for us, and for that reason, we’ve been a little preoccupied. But no more! Look at us! Posting on our designated day!

Recently, we discovered a serious problem with our society. (No, not Daisy of Love, though that’s not helping. No, seriously. London??) Over the past few years, we’ve become so reliant on social networking that we’ve forgotten how to behave in the real world. And by behave, we mean date. And by date, we mean stalk.

In the old days, when you had a crush on someone, you found out where they hung out through mutual friends. Maybe someone who knows someone you know worked with them, so you knew where their office was. Occasionally you’d drive past their house. But only when you were really bored. Or in the neighborhood.

Thanks to Facebook and Twitter, there’s no need for that kind of legwork. We know exactly where someone works, when they go to lunch, how they like their coffee, their political view and their quiz results from “Which Garbage Pail Kid are You?” (is that a real quiz? ‘Cause if not we’re totally patenting it!) All of these things are exceptionally handy (and more than a tad creepy), but what if the crush doesn’t have a social networking account?

Gasp! What’s that, you say? There are people out there without Facebook or Twitter? Surely they must have some sort of online profile! Linkdin? Friendster? Nothing?

Nay. (Or would that be yay?) Nothing. Thanks to these “convenient” social networking sites, we’re losing our ability to stalk, er, woo potential suitors with conventional, non-electronic methods. We don’t remember how to drive by in a friend’s car with our heads turned juuuuust so, so that if someone were to be standing in the yard they wouldn’t recognize us. We don’t recall how to approach a co-worker who shares an interest with our object of affection to find out what bar his team/book club/substance abuse support network meets at. And even if we made it to that bar, we wouldn’t know how to find someone who once took his ticket at a show to find out what his favorite band is so we could conveniently put it on the jukebox and smile shyly when he thanked us for playing his fave song and saving him a quarter.

So what is the solution, you ask? The answer is simple: mandatory Facebook pages for all American citizens. Sadly, President Obama does not have a personal Facebook page, nor a reliable Twitter account, so we’ve been unable to reach him/find out where he’ll be playing catch with the girls and Bo so we can chat with him about the plan. Foiled again.

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Twitterpated

March 25, 2009 · Filed under Celebs, Love, Rants · Tagged , , , , , , ,

You may be surprised to hear, dear reader(s), that we have more on our minds than Twilight. (Though, between you and us, we played the board game last night and man, did it bite! Pun intended.) One thing we can’t get enough of: Twitter. We love, love, love it! It’s the best thing to happen to the Internet since, well, us!

Possibly the greatest thing about Twitter is the close proximity it keeps us in to the stars. We’re following a ton of them, and it’s so much fun to be in the know and ahead of everyone else when it comes to their daily goings on. For instance, Katy Perry’s in Chicago and saw someone jump out of a building and live: Report on THAT Life & Style. Ohhh wait, we already did!

But as with all favorite things, the newness starts to wear off and the cracks in the proverbial foundation begin to show (see: Twilight board game). And such is the case in our serious relationship with Twitter.

Keeping up with the stars is one thing, but being constantly reminded of their devotion to their significant others is another entirely. It’s bad enough reading our friends’ Facebook messages to their loved ones (baby, you’re the best! SWAK!=vomit), but now we have to read constant updates about how freaking perfect celebrity relationships are. Today alone, we almost lost our breakfast when Ashton Kutcher, who is in Germany or Australia or something (we can only assume he’s shooting “Dude, Where’s My Car 14″), organized a “love wave” for his beloved Demi Moore (Twitter name: mrskutcher—blech) to see when she got up “to take the kids to school.” (Aren’t those kids like Ashton’s age by now??)

Watching the two of them Tweet back and forth about how much they love each other and thank all their fans for helping them convey said love was sickening enough to make us sit through a marathon of “Just Married” and “Striptease” willingly!  And now that we’re friends with both Joel Madden and Nicole Ritchie, we can only imagine the disgusting, this-girl’s-carrying-another-one-of-my-children antics that are sure to ensue.  How are we supposed to compete with that on top of  Heidi Montag’s hourly affirmations about amazing life is (though, we wonder how great life can be when you have to make out with Spencer)? 

(BTW, all this love has inspired us to come up with a new phrase based on one uttered by that dashing star of Old Hollywood, Flower from Bambi. Those expressing love or falling in love on Twitter shall henceforth be referred to as “Twitterpated.” (aTM…that’s awesome Trademark)

We know that like with everything, we need to learn to take the good with the bad (those are, afterall, the facts of life) on Twitter, but we much prefer that other Demi’s constant musings about music (evidently she really like Motown) to this Demi’s comments (ie: “I am so stunned by this outpouring of love that I can barely move”).

On top of all that celeb cyber canoodling, we’ve discovered that Twitter is yet another way for us mortals to endure rejection! Case in point: one of our exes recently sent us two follow requests (one from a work account, one from a personal account). We hadn’t seen or spoken to him in years, so it seemed harmless enough to accept. After a few weeks, we noticed that our followers number had declined by two. We checked the list and, sure enough, he DE-FOLLOWED us!!! Who does that?? In the great words of a wise woman “how rude!!”

Obviously, such trivial things don’t really bother us. We briefly considered posting several embarrassing stories about him on our Twitter feed—he wouldn’t know since he doesn’t follow us anymore…BURN!—but we decided that was bitter and totally below us. We’re mature adults here at ATM (Twilight obsession not withstanding) and we prefer to behave as such.

So with Demi and Ashton’s love wave as an inspiration, we’ve decided to rise above our anger and carry on in the true spirit of the Kutchers. And as soon as we figure out how to Tweet someone who’s no longer a follower, we’ll be sending the exact opposite of a love wave his way.  Hmm…guess Heidi was right afterall.  Today IS going to be amazing!

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Another Hit For Chris Brown and Rihanna

February 9, 2009 · Filed under Celebs, Gossip, Love · Tagged , , ,

Like all of you, dear ATM readers, we have been following this Chris Brown/Rihanna beat-down sitch VERY closely. We remember so fondly the brighter days of the happy couple: Tweeting about Chris sitting on Rih Rih’s lap at the Mtv Awards, listening with envy to reports of their romantic dual-concert in Australia, and wondering if Doublemint hired Chris Brown to sing that “double your pleasure” line in his song, or if he offered to be their spokesperson AFTER singing it to avoid a lawsuit. (Ok, that last one wasn’t really couple-related, but it’s been on our minds for a while now!)

We were shocked when we came home from our own Grammy function on Sunday night (a visit to our Grammy’s house, that is, not the awards show) to learn of the allegedly violent tirade Chris launched upon Rihanna in the car on their way home from Clive Davis’ annual pre-Grammy soiree. We contemplated what could have gone wrong:

 
1. Did the duo perform a rousing Britney Spears tribute at the party and Chris took Rihanna a little too seriously when she sang ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time’?

 
2. Did Chris see how well Rih Rih and T.I.’s song ‘Live Your Life’ did on the charts and get jealous so he decided to top their act by collaborating with the pokey-bound T.I. behind bars? (Where he will be taking all of his meetings for the forseeable future.)

 
3. Did Jessica Simpson pay Chris off to do something crazy and take the heat off her recent Golden Corral-binging weight gain drama?

 
4. Maybe the two weren’t tired after Davis’ party and decided to hit up the video store. Rihanna suggested renting ‘Bring it On: All or Nothing” to see her fabulous portrayal of herself. Chris countered that watching his own performance in ‘This Christmas,’ while not terribly seasonal, was a much better way to spend the evening. The two argued until they were only shouting titles at one another: “Bring it on!” Rihanna probably yelled. And Chris did just that.

But then we realized, this isn’t a case of love gone sour. It’s not a publicity stunt. It’s an act of national service. Celebrity political endorsements, like that bumper sticker on your Prius, became less relevant when Obama won the election. They were left wondering what to do with their time, now that their days of campainging and party-throwing were behind them. (We hear Oprah’s opening a school for deaf penguins in the Arctic. Hopefully she’ll screen the instructors a little better this time. BURN, Oprah!) They’re looking to new charitable pursuits and Chris Brown, who has gone on record as saying he himself was the victim of domestic abuse, has decided to use his fame as a way to bring attention to the cause. And thus, Chris Brown, we salute you for taking a shot at domestic abusers nationwide. For beating this problem before it gets worse. For smacking up the bitch that is domestic violence. Kudos sir, kudos. We plan to rally support and fight this fight “with you, with you, with you, with you. Heeeeeeyyyyeaaahh.”

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Aural Love

July 2, 2008 · Filed under Advice, Love · Tagged , ,

Sidney Lanier once said, “music is love in search of a word.”  We’re not sure who Sidney Lanier is, but we’re pretty sure he would have agreed with Aly and AJ (and Mya) when they said love was “like whoa.” 

 

For years, we’ve used the lyrics of others to express our own feelings on relationships. When things go well, we relish in the sweet sounds of a love song, relying on those more poetic than ourselves to turn a phrase that best conveys how we feel about our one and only.  We pick the perfect tune and assign it to our current boo, and every time it comes on, we squeal and clap and turn it up and sing at the top of our lungs.

 

But what happens when the love you and your boo share ends up in the crapper?  That once-magical song must now be omitted from your lifelong playlist.  Whenever it comes on the radio, tears are soon to follow.  It’s a lyrical reminder of the love you lost. 

 

So why not assign a ditty with a dual meaning to your dude?  A song that spans both love and hate can make the transitional period a little easier on your radio dial.  We at ATM have compiled a few such suggestions:

 

Miley Cyrus, “7 Things” – A song about a guy’s faults, sung as only an angsty teenager could sing it.  This jam allows you to rage against your guy’s shortcomings while simultaneously singing his praises (pun intended): While the first two verses describe 7 things she hates about her fella (in a way that lets us know she only hates said things because she’s crazy for the creep), the final verse touts his best assets, including his hair, his eyes and his old Levi’s.

 

Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown, “No Air” – Ok, so go with us on this one: If you’re in a long distance relationship, this song speaks to your lonely heart and allows you to wallow in the longing.  Lyrics like “but how do you expect me to live alone with just me, when my world revolves around you it’s so hard for me to breathe” will make your heart melt when pining for your long-distance lothario.  But, when the distance inevitably becomes too much (come on, you know it will), those same lyrics will comfort you in your time of sorrow.  If Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown can’t live without each other, then wailing into your pillow over the untimely end to your three week love affair can’t be as silly as your mom keeps suggesting it is, now can it?

 

Rihanna, “Don’t Stop The Music” – This songs works on three levels.  One, it’s a great beginning of a relationship song.  The whole point is Rih Rih is out in the club, getting her freak on (as only Rih Rih can) when she meets a potential suitor.  She wasn’t looking for nobody when he looked her way, mind you, but he was still a possible candidate.  (This, btw, could apply to meeting guys anywhere…the mall, Chili’s, etc.  Though it should be noted Rihanna probably doesn’t eat at Chili’s.  Maybe Friday’s though?)  Secondly, when you break up, the song takes on a whole new meaning: please don’t stop the music now means please don’t stop giving me your sweet, sweet loving.  Finally, once you’ve worked through your feelings of rejection and abandonment, Rihanna gives you something to look forward to.  Do as she does and hit the club.  You’ll presumably meet a new boo and start the whole cycle over.  Thus, what was once your special song for a special someone becomes an empowering single gal’s anthem. 

 

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How Can I NOT Be A Stalker When Technology Tells Me What He’s Doing All The Time

July 1, 2008 · Filed under Love

So Cosmo and our mothers taught us that needy girls are single girls.  And we concur.  Boys don’t want to date a girl who has to know where they are and what they’re doing at all times.  We have spent our lives cultivating our independence and learning how to ignore unplaced phone calls and overlooked plans.  We know that when he says he’s spending time with the guys, we shouldn’t call (unless we absolutely have to tell him his favorite team was on SportsCenter or that mom saw someone at the mall that looked just like him!).  Cool, calm and collected are our middle names.

But then Facebook and MySpace had to go and wreck it all for us.  No longer can we blissfully go through life assuming he has no other female friends. No longer can we think he’s telling people we’re in a serious relationship even though we’ve never had the talk. No longer can we assume he just hasn’t signed on lately and that’s why he’s not responding to our last wall post.

Thanks to constant status updates, friend finder requests and the “online friends” features, we girls have been reduced to pathetic, jealous, clingy, helpless creatures with serious trust issues.

Picture this: it’s a beautiful Saturday afternoon.  You and your maybe boyfriend (he totally likes you, he just hasn’t used the label yet) had plans last night, but you haven’t heard from him since his “what’s up?” text Friday morning.  Obviously something came up.  He probably fell asleep, or had to spend the night with his parents celebrating the birthday of some distant relative.  But what’s this?  He was online last night and had plenty of time to accept friend requests from two girls (what kind of name is Constance anyway??) and change his about me section (what does “I love Playstation 3 more than I love your mom” mean?).

And now that Facebook has added online friends and chatting features, it’s impossible to think he’s just not around to tell you he’s sorry he never called.  He’s online and he’s active…he’s just not talking to you!  Who could he be talking to?  Why has been on so long if he’s not chatting with you?  And then, after an hour of working up the nerve to send a completely cool, not at all suspicious or passive aggressive message, he’s gone idle!  It’s enough to make you want to close your account.

But then you’d never know if he’d updated his relationship status.  In fact, better go refresh your Facebook page now.  Just in case.

 

 

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