Awesome Teen Mag

Editor’s Note: Sorry we’ve been MIA lately, fan(s)! The Co-Creators had a busy few days. Co-Creator M was on business in LA where she saw a mini 90210 reunion (Brandon, Steve and Andrea dining together….and not at the Peach Pit!) and then (wait for it) Ryan Buell on an escalator!! Meanwhile, Co-Creator A has been reveling in Thursday’s Britney Spears show. She’s gone through the full spectrum of emotions, from awe to anger, from dazzled to disillusioned to disappointed and back to dazzled again. Thus, she channeled her bipolar opinions into this post, a direct response to the concert by way of Brit’s “Circus” lyrics. (And by Brit’s lyrics, we mean those lyrics sung by Brit but written by about 13 Swedish producers in a studio.)

Hey reader(s)! Co-Creator A here, hot off my most recent Britney Spears concert-going adventure. As you may have read, I’ve seen just about every Britney tour and I can say with complete honesty that this one was the most disappointing. Sure, she played classics like “Hit Me Baby One More Time” and “Touch of My Hand” (her oft-forgotten masturbatory anthem…oh yeah, she went there. Why she went there instead of singing “Oops I Did it Again” or “Stronger,” we’ll never know.), but she did so with all the gusto of a Limited Too mannequin (and we don’t mean the living ones that people stop to make faces at. Seriously mall-goers, get a life!). Our former Princess of Pop (can we officially give that title to Rih Rih now? She’s been through a lot and I think she deserves it.) walked limply around the stage, half-assing dance moves and looking like she took one too many of her happy pills (that one could have been my fault ). To sum it all up, dear reader(s), she wasn’t the pop superstar we’ve come to know, love, pity, cheer on, get sick of reading about, dismiss, get excited about a comeback and love again. Thus, I shall now respond to the lyrics of her titular (hehe, titular) song “Circus” by way of reviewing the whole show. Here we go….

There’s only two types of people in the world. The ones that entertain and the ones that observe.
I agree with this statement. And for a long time Brit was the former. Now I’m starting to think she’d rather be the latter.
Well baby I’m a put on a show kind of girl. Don’t like the backseat, gotta be first.
Don’t argue with me, Brit. And seriously, a put on a show kind of girl would have at least pretended not to screw up the moves during her Bollywood-style performance of Me Against the Music. Look alive out there!) And as for your seating preference, I don’t think we need to debate that given that I’m pretty sure the SP and JJ weren’t conceived in the front seat.

I’m like the ringleader, I call the shots. I’m like a firecracker, I make it hot when I put on a show.
Objection! You did not make anything hot when you put on this show! In fact, you barely put a show on! Not to mention, you saved the real show for Tampa when your lady parts spilled out of your barely-there, barely-attractive ensemble!

All eyes on me in the center of the ring just like a circus. When I crack that whip everybody gonna trip just like a circus. Don’t stand there watching me follow me show me what you can do. Everybody let go we can make the dance floor just like a circus.
While you did in fact carry a whip during your opening performance of this song, you never once cracked it. Also, while the crowd did not in fact just stand there watching you and showed you what we could do, YOU, Ms. Spears, DID just stand there watching us with dead Audrina Patridge eyes and a silly oversized jacket that did nothing for your figure. I think I’ve made my point.

Hmpf! Co-Creator A out.