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Archive for March, 2009

Q: Which Facebook Quiz Best Describes You?

March 26, 2009 · Filed under Friends, Trends · Tagged bacon, Facebook, Robert Pattison, Twilight

A: All of them!

It’s hard to believe, but here at the ATM offices we dwell on more than just default photos, Twilight, and celeb gossip. Take yesterday for instance, when we spent the better half of the morning discussing journalistic integrity and source credibility of “trusted” news outlets (just who is this “close to R Patz source” making claims that our favorite leading man “doesn’t shower” and “completely reeks,” E! News?). But then there are the days when we get a little more personal and dig down deep to answer questions like: Which Marvel superhero am I most like or who was I in a past life? No matter how much we debate, Google search, or poll people on the streets, we’ve never been able to answer these and other tough questions about ourselves. That is until now. Thanks to Facebook we finally know which Philosopher we are, which president we’re most like, and if we’re clinically insane.

Never has it been easier to learn more about yourself! Log on to Facebook, scroll through your news feed, and click on any of the 27 quizzes that pop up as completed by your friends. Ever wondered which 80’s movie defines you? Been dying to know what your nickname is? Or perhaps you’re not sure where you should be living. Facebook is now your own personal horoscope, Magic 8 Ball, and Tarot Card reader all in one. In just 7 questions, you’ll know that your life is just like Say Anything, your nickname should be Tom (determined by how many times a day you poop and how long it takes you to get ready in the morning), and that you’ll only be happy living in NYC. Answers that you didn’t and won’t get from spending 4 years in college, spending a year traveling abroad, or starting one of the internet’s most popular ezines.

While it doesn’t happen often, we here at ATM do admit when we’re wrong. Earlier in the week we chastised the new Facebook for its user-supplied info news feed, but with these new quizzes never has it been easier to learn the truth about OTHERS- our friends, exes, and current paramours. The old Facebook only knew who posted on a wall, who was in a relationship, and who was going to Saturday’s Bacon Fest (mmm…bacon). But the new Facebook knows ALL and doesn’t mind sharing it with the world! Thanks to Facebook you know the flavor of your cute neighbor’s inner Jolly Rancher (wait that didn’t come out right…or did it?), your best friend’s ability to survive a zombie attack, and your 8th grade best friend’s favorite type of dog. This info is extremely helpful (you were totally going to leave Green Apple Jolly Ranchers on your neighbor’s welcome mat. It’s a good thing you know he’s more of a Cherry guy), especially when your news feed shows that your ex was rated, “Horrible?!” after taking the “am I good in bed” quiz (now everyone will understand what went wrong and why you’re single again!).

Facebook has somehow done it again and forever will we be grateful. First the social networking site reunited us with friends we forgot we had and now is giving us the answers we’ve been searching for, letting us know a little bit more about ourselves (and others) in its own Dr. Phil kinda way. Now if only it could tell me what to wear to work today…

Twitterpated

March 25, 2009 · Filed under Celebs, Love, Rants · Tagged Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore, Heidi Montag, Joel Madden, Nicole Ritchie, Spencer, Twilight, Twitter

You may be surprised to hear, dear reader(s), that we have more on our minds than Twilight. (Though, between you and us, we played the board game last night and man, did it bite! Pun intended.) One thing we can’t get enough of: Twitter. We love, love, love it! It’s the best thing to happen to the Internet since, well, us!

Possibly the greatest thing about Twitter is the close proximity it keeps us in to the stars. We’re following a ton of them, and it’s so much fun to be in the know and ahead of everyone else when it comes to their daily goings on. For instance, Katy Perry’s in Chicago and saw someone jump out of a building and live: Report on THAT Life & Style. Ohhh wait, we already did!

But as with all favorite things, the newness starts to wear off and the cracks in the proverbial foundation begin to show (see: Twilight board game). And such is the case in our serious relationship with Twitter.

Keeping up with the stars is one thing, but being constantly reminded of their devotion to their significant others is another entirely. It’s bad enough reading our friends’ Facebook messages to their loved ones (baby, you’re the best! SWAK!=vomit), but now we have to read constant updates about how freaking perfect celebrity relationships are. Today alone, we almost lost our breakfast when Ashton Kutcher, who is in Germany or Australia or something (we can only assume he’s shooting “Dude, Where’s My Car 14″), organized a “love wave” for his beloved Demi Moore (Twitter name: mrskutcher—blech) to see when she got up “to take the kids to school.” (Aren’t those kids like Ashton’s age by now??)

Watching the two of them Tweet back and forth about how much they love each other and thank all their fans for helping them convey said love was sickening enough to make us sit through a marathon of “Just Married” and “Striptease” willingly! And now that we’re friends with both Joel Madden and Nicole Ritchie, we can only imagine the disgusting, this-girl’s-carrying-another-one-of-my-children antics that are sure to ensue. How are we supposed to compete with that on top of Heidi Montag’s hourly affirmations about amazing life is (though, we wonder how great life can be when you have to make out with Spencer)?

(BTW, all this love has inspired us to come up with a new phrase based on one uttered by that dashing star of Old Hollywood, Flower from Bambi. Those expressing love or falling in love on Twitter shall henceforth be referred to as “Twitterpated.” (aTM…that’s awesome Trademark)

We know that like with everything, we need to learn to take the good with the bad (those are, afterall, the facts of life) on Twitter, but we much prefer that other Demi’s constant musings about music (evidently she really like Motown) to this Demi’s comments (ie: “I am so stunned by this outpouring of love that I can barely move”).

On top of all that celeb cyber canoodling, we’ve discovered that Twitter is yet another way for us mortals to endure rejection! Case in point: one of our exes recently sent us two follow requests (one from a work account, one from a personal account). We hadn’t seen or spoken to him in years, so it seemed harmless enough to accept. After a few weeks, we noticed that our followers number had declined by two. We checked the list and, sure enough, he DE-FOLLOWED us!!! Who does that?? In the great words of a wise woman “how rude!!”

Obviously, such trivial things don’t really bother us. We briefly considered posting several embarrassing stories about him on our Twitter feed—he wouldn’t know since he doesn’t follow us anymore…BURN!—but we decided that was bitter and totally below us. We’re mature adults here at ATM (Twilight obsession not withstanding) and we prefer to behave as such.

So with Demi and Ashton’s love wave as an inspiration, we’ve decided to rise above our anger and carry on in the true spirit of the Kutchers. And as soon as we figure out how to Tweet someone who’s no longer a follower, we’ll be sending the exact opposite of a love wave his way. Hmm…guess Heidi was right afterall. Today IS going to be amazing!

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Keep The Change

March 24, 2009 · Filed under Rants · Tagged Facebook, obama, sushi, Twitter

Last November when we cast our vote for Obama, we cast a vote for change. We expected this change to come about in the form of economic turn-around, removal of troops from the Middle East, and perhaps a few legalizations out in California. (We’re talking about marriage—obvi.) Turns out we were very, very wrong. Apparently, when we collectively rallied in support of change, some other commanders in chief heard our cries and set out to rock our worlds…and not in the good way.

Sure, sure, the change has been gradual (it all started when the spicy mayo at Co-Creator A’s fav sushi place became too spicy. Oh, the mid-week horror!) and questionable (did Forever 21 change their sizing standards or have we gained weight? Either way, we don’t like buying a bigger size!), but the further we delve into 2009, the more severe the changes and the angrier we become (your new return policy is BS, Target!). In the past few months we’ve been thrown a late night talk show host shake up (including 12 weeks of Conan-less humor) and seen (or rather, not seen) celebrities choosing to elope rather than throw over-the-top, magazine-worthy nuptials. Though what might be worst of all: the Facebook redesign, which has rendered an old, familiar friend unrecognizable.

The new Facebook is apparently everything we’ve always wanted (but never knew we did), including real-time status updates like Twitter. Sure it’s a cool concept to introduce to Facebook, but not if that means taking away the ease of knowing when our ex posted photos, when he accepted an event invite, or when someone else left a wall post. With the new Facebook we’re welcomed only by user supplied news, which comes from the same four people, who, coincidently, are the same four you’re already following on Twitter. No longer does Facebook offer us a simple way stalk people—the reason we once fell in love with the social networking program.

The old Facebook was brilliant. A quick refresh of the homepage gave you a full overview of the hour’s most important happenings: your crush just became friends with the new girl in accounting, your aunt was busy celebrating a birthday, and your best friend just posted something on your ex’s wall. You were up-to-date in just minutes, keeping you from being a delinquent employee or super-obsessed friend. Now when you sign on, you have to manually go through each friend to see what’s up, who’s doing who, and when it’s all doing down. Birthday notifications are mixed up in advertisements or “groups you should join” postings, leaving you to miss birthdays you never even knew were coming up. Plus, your events calendar is nowhere to be found, which means it’s equally hard to find on your crush’s page. You’re officially out of the loop. Again, going against Facebook’s founding principles.

Usually we here at ATM offer advice in these trying times, but like you, we have yet to become comfortable with these changes. We’re certain only of one thing: Obama needs to pass a new bill that calls for the quick return to the Facebook of yesterday. (This bill has got to be easier than that stimulus deal. We follow seven senators on Twitter who agree with us about the new FB redesign.) The new layout is making us bad employees, neurotic exes and jaded Internet users. There’s bound to be bigger problems than a failing economy if Facebook doesn’t do something quick.

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It’s Hard Out Here for a Fan

March 23, 2009 · Filed under Rants, Trends · Tagged Bella, Brett Michaels, Edward, movies, Nick Jonas, Robert Pattison, Twilight

Editor’s Note: We want to thank you, dear ATM reader(s), for sticking by us through this recent Twilight obsession. We realize that not all of you are as hardcore about being Twi-hards as we are, and we appreciate your patience as we work through it and get our Edward-loving musings out of our collective systems. We promise, this will be the last Twilight post for a while (until we get the board game and we have to post the drinking rules…or until Co-Creator M gives A the password to the site back so she can keep writing). As our temporary Twilight farewell post, Co-Creator A (who, let’s face it, is more obsessed with the whole thing than even Stephenie Meyer ever was) would like to talk about how hard it can be to love the vampy series.

It truly is hard out here for a fan. First there’s the alienation. Friends who haven’t read the books don’t get it: it’s a teen romance novel, how lame. They don’t understand that it’s more than that! Plus, this makes it tough to include quippy Twilight references in everyday dialogue. When I say I am drinking my coffee Jacob, they don’t know that I am referring to Jacob Black (get it? I’m pretty proud of that one!). When I predict what’s going to happen in any given situation and get it right and call myself Alice, there’s no laughter. Only confused looks and eye rolling. Awkward.

And while my close friends do love the series, none of them share my extreme obsession with it. (If Twilight was Bella, they’re Mike Newton and I’m Edward. It’s a totally different level of devotion! BTW, if you laughed at that joke, you can be my BFF!)

None of them understand why I am on my fourth (not kidding) round of reading the books. (To be fair, I have purchased other books in recent months, but none of them hold my interest and I always return to Forks to catch up with my old friends. Plus, my Twilight bookmark just reminds me of what I’m missing!) None of them get why I spend every Sunday morning calling every Toys R Us, Wal-Mart and Target in a tri-county area to find the board game (though they are willing to play it if I throw in a drinking game or two).

And that’s another thing! I’m running out of products! Now that the DVD has been released (I currently own 4 copies of the movie. That’s too much even for me.) and I’ve read all the books, there’s nothing left for me! Sure sure, the board game is out there somewhere (though no one seems to have it in stock, nor be able to tell me when I can get it), but until Stephenie Meyer’s next book (The Twilight Saga: The Official Guide) comes out (there’s currently NO release date! WTF?!) or until the new movie releases on November 21, I’m out of Twi-lectibles and Twi-life experiences! (Well, there is the convention this summer, but they have yet to approve ATM for press passes…a fact that keeps me up nights. That and my re-reading hobby.)

And while I was hoping to meet new Twiabetic friends at the DVD release the other night, I have to admit, the crowd was a little more teen than 20-something. The only adult options were an overzealous soccer mom who was so fervent about her Twilight trivia responses that I thought she was going to pull a hammy, and a really creepy 40-something guy with a mullet who, if he hadn’t been so good at answering the trivia questions, I would have assumed would be starring in a future installment of To Catch a Predator. The whole thing was enough to send me into a Twi-abetic coma (sorry if that was offensive, Bret Michaels and Nick Jonas. Have you two met, BTW?).

In closing, I’d just like to remind all of you non-fans and lukewarm fans that we Twi-hards have feelings too. And just because our (not-so) guilty pleasure comes in the form of a teen romance novel in which vampires sparkle in the sun and dote on their human paramours, doesn’t make us any less cool than those of you who love to play Rock Band or watch South Park. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have some toy stores to call and some reading to do.

What TO Do Today…

March 20, 2009 · Filed under Advice, special events · Tagged Bella, Edward, movies, Twilight

Find your nearest Twilight DVD release party, put on your finest Bella flannel shirt, Rosalie blond wig or your best freaky Jasper face and line up with your fellow Twiabetics™ to purchase the DVD when it goes on sale at 12:01 am Saturday. And if you’re 21 or older, rush it home to play the Twilight drinking game (it IS Friday night afterall. Edward would want you take advantage of these human experiences).

Editors Note: In hopes of seeing our favorite Twilight actor at tonight’s release party (did you hear they are making surprise appearances around the country?!), we here at ATM have searched out the hottest party in Atlanta. Come meet us tonight at the Brookhaven Blockbuster: 3944 Peachtree Road NE. Suite B. Atlanta, Ga 30319. We’ll be in line and Twittering live starting at 10pm. If you can’t stalk us, follow us!

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