As you, our faithful and devoted reader(s) know, we were scheduled to interview rapper/actor/Angela Simmons paramour Bow Wow last night. The co-creators spent all day preparing insightful questions (which Atlanta McDonald’s franchise do you own?) and working closely with the astute staff of our local Kinko’s to finalize our business cards and press passes (we’re SO legit now!).
Then we retreated to our separate homes to find JUST the right listening party ensembles. For each of us, that meant Apple Bottom jeans and boots with the fur, duh. Meals were missed (a big deal for us), paying work was ignored and weather warnings were silenced. This was to be our first hard-hitting celebrity interview, afterall. The rest were just details.
A few hours before the event, we received word that Columbia/Sony had cancelled the listening party. CANCELLED!!!! WTF!?! How are we supposed to find out what Rev Run is like at Thanksgiving dinner if we can’t talk to Bow Wow? Why, Columbia/Sony, why?
In response to this turn of events, we at ATM will do a bit of our own cancelling. Two can play at that game, Columbia/Sony! Starting today, we will cancel our interest in products distributed by and artists represented by Columbia/Sony. These include but are not limited to:
Il Divo: lame!
AC/DC: washed up!
Marc Anthony: Creepy looking
Celine Dion: ok, that one might be tough.
Dixie Chicks: haven’t made an album in like ten years.
Harry Connick, Jr.: We like Buble better anyway.
Michelle Williams: Nothing without Beyonce!
Beyonce: Crap!
King of Queens: Never seen an episode.
Cashmere Mafia: Cancelled! BURN Columbia/Sony!
Dawson’s Creek: Oh no!! Must. Be. Strong.
But luckily for you awesome reader(s)—though not so lucky for Bow Wow—we aren’t without a musical review. Unlike Columbia/Sony, we here at ATM deliver upon our promises.
In a series of very fortunate events, after leaving our favorite office supply store two eager young gentlemen dressed in digs that would impress Diddy pulled us over in the parking lot in hopes of giving us their new, 3-disc album. We thought they were taken aback by our fly new biz cards (and laminated press pass), but the gasp of awe, we came to find, was brought on by our beauty. One of the fly boys quickly handed us his CD with the disclaimer, “this CD is almost as good as you two are beautiful.” (Our hoodies and lack of makeup should tell you how good the CD actually is). Then he gave us a compliment no Valentine’s Day card would have held a candle to (that is, if we’d received any actual v-day cards): “you two should be right here on this CD cover.” That did it. No matter that we’ve never heard of Cliff Montana nor knew the words to his exclusive single, “Aye Yo.” It didn’t matter that we didn’t understand what he meant by “dope up in my jaw” (we had to ask co-creator M’s street savvy roomie about that one) or why Track 3 sounded eerily close to Track 6. We were instant fans. Unlike the title of his 15-track album, “Beware of the Takeover,” we had no warning of the takeover these two starry-eyed entrepreneurs/artists would have on our afternoon.
Too flustered to admit that we were writers with connections (hello! We represent ATM and were on our way to go hang with Bow Wow!), we handed over the $3 (talked down from $5, mind you) for our very own personal copy. We drove away with a light wallet and a happy heart, ready to use Cliff Montana as our comedic ice breaker with Bow Wow. But turns out, Bow Wow, jokes on you. First ATM review goes to Cliff Montana…as did our $3. The $3 we were going to spend at your McDonalds. Burn, Mr. Wow, BURN!
