Archive for January, 2009

Your Guide To A Super Sunday

January 30, 2009 · Filed under Advice · Tagged , ,

We at ATM are nothing if not football fans. We love to throw around the old pigskin. We live to watch the big game on TV with a cold brewski. We spend our days playing Madden and our nights dreaming of Tom Brady.

Ok, ok, none of that is true (except maybe the Tom Brady thing. He looked way hot in those GAP ads!). But since this is Super Bowl weekend we have decided to cast our football apprehensions aside and see what all the football fuss is about.  We did a little research and discovered the game isn’t quite as dullsville as we originally thought.  For one, it’s in Tampa, which is super close to our hometown! Maybe we can get some sort of special hometown ticket discount? Hotdogs? Foam Fingers?

Turns out that Super Bowl tickets are a little harder to get than we thought (even if you do have press credentials like us!), but for us football novices the home-thrown Super Bowl party is the perfect venue for Sunday’s celebration.  There you can half-heartedly watch the game (if you even watch it at all) while enjoying what Super Bowl is REALLY about: junk food and beer. Did you know 40 million pounds of guacamole are consumed on this day alone?! Well, 43 million pounds this year now that Jessica Simpson’s “weight crisis” is out in the open.

But we digress.  Now, we’re not naïve.  We know that going to a Super Bowl party means that our football conversations will have to rise above the hotness of Tom Brady, dissecting the football relationship statuses of Kendra, Jessica, and Kim, and wondering how long we’ll have to wait for a new season of the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader’s ”Making the Team.” So we have created a game day cheat sheet for you, our soon-to-be-knowledgeable football fan.  You can even reference our vague football phrase play book for more “I know what I’m talking about” zingers.  Use the facts and phrases wisely and for their intended purpose: to score free beer, impress your crush, and get invited to next Sunday’s “what do we do now that football’s over” party.

WHAT: The 43rd Super Bowl

WHO: The Pittsburgh Steelers’ “top-ranked defense” (Black helmet with white circle logo) vs. Arizona Cardinals’ “high-powered passing attacks” (White helmet with evil red bird). Random fact: In 1944, in response to depleted rosters because of World War II these two teams merged to play in the Super Bowl, calling themselves Card-Pitt.  

WHERE: Tampa Bay, Florida’s Raymond James Stadium (that’s where the Tampa Bay Buccaneers play).  Did you know that Tampa is the un-official home of Death Metal? But we like it better for Busch Gardens (yes, a theme park owned by a brewery. It doesn’t get any better!) and the International Mall.

ATM Insider Tip: If you’re in Tampa for the big game, a source tells us that the Steelers are bunking at the InterContinental and the Cardinals are posted up the GrandHyatt Tampa Bay.

WHEN: Sunday. Kickoff is at 6:20. We recommend starting to drink around 4:30.  That way you’ll be good and ready to start cheering at the coin toss.

While your knowledge is sure to impress, don’t fret when your crush’s attention does not waiver from the flat screen (HD is the ONLY way to watch the game!).  Even though he’s shot gunned 4 beers, is rapidly losing blood from the gash from crushing the beer can against his forehead, and more interested in tackling his buddies after a good play (well you assume it was a good play), he’s diligently taking note of all you do. I mean, if he can remember all those ridiculous sports stats, he’s bound to remember the 18-layer taco dip you brought with Doritos instead of Tortillas (naturally) and your half-time beer run.  Anything to get out of watching Bruce Springsteen perform, right? Fingers crossed there’s no nip slip this year.

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What He Actually Meant

January 30, 2009 · Filed under What He Actually Meant · Tagged , ,

What Pete Wentz told Extra: I think that the media puts too harsh of a spotlight on women in general and I think it’s a bummer. It’s bad for young women. I see it affecting young girls who come to our shows and that’s a bummer. Real beauty is on the inside, man.
 
What Pete Wentz actually meant: Who knew in the end I would score the hotter Simpson?!

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Chain Mail

January 29, 2009 · Filed under Trends · Tagged ,

Think back. Way back. Back to a time when there was no email. No text messaging. No, dare we say it, Awesome Teen Magazine. It was a simpler time, when your friends called your landline and politely asked your mom if you were home when they needed to chat. A time when the mailman at the door meant more than the arrival of your latest credit card bill. Getting a letter in the mail was the ultimate afterschool rush (next to getting home in time for Kids Incorporated or Ducktales, natch!). In fact, hearing your mom say “you’ve got mail” might even have been better than when the AOL guy started saying it!

But there was one letter that we didn’t want to get. The dreaded chain letter. It was horrible…hanging over our head like a school assignment that required building a diorama. We knew if we didn’t send it to at least 10 of our friends, we’d have bad luck for the rest of our lives. If we lived that long! (wait..is this why we’re still single? Someone send us a chain letter so we can change our luck!) And who the heck was this Anita Friend listed as the sender? We didn’t know anyone named Anita!

Luckily, as we got older, the nightmares about broken chain letters faded. We turned to daily postal offerings through email and found nothing but happiness and good times as we answered electronic communications from our BFF and that adorable guy from algebra. Sigh. But then it happened. The chain letter went digital. Suddenly, our inbox was a house of postal horrors as that stupid “send this or else” reared its ugly head once more. But now it was in Times New Roman.

While the chain letter still scares the bejeezus out of us (yes, that’s how you spell it), we are actually more interested in its kinder, gentler cousin: the survey. These resourceful gems started making the rounds in the late 90s and by Y2K they were all the rage. Questions about your best asset (never say “eyes,” girls, it’s like saying you have a great personality) and how many people you’ve kissed…it didn’t get more fun. It was a great way to talk about yourself without sounding vain and even better: a great way to learn all about your crush without asking. How many other opportunities do you have to ask him how many kids he wants to have and what his most embarrassing moment was?? For serious.

And now with the dawn of Facebook, the surveys are back! No more wondering if our BFF considers us her best pal back. No questions about whether or not that hot guy from the mailroom has a secret crush on Heather Locklear (ew, she’s way old!) It’s all out in the open for us to read and live by. Afterall, if that super cute across the hall neighbor loves pepperoni and anchovies on his pizza, we might just have to ask the delivery guy to “accidentally” mix up our orders so we can trade them back. And do so while wearing the jersey of his favorite team, listening to his favorite band on our iPod and smelling like his favorite scent. As long as that scent isn’t gasoline.

That said, the survey does have it’s drawbacks. Remember about six months after the initial excitement of the email survey? When all the hubub (again, spelled correctly, thanks) died down and every other email in your inbox had the subject “All About Me!”? It got to be a bit much. Friends who’d already sent their own answers were now answering the same questions again. Other times, the questions morphed from “what’s your favorite color?” to “what’s your favorite shade of blue?” Even worse, some of your friends posted bulletins with “OMG! I’m pregnant!” just to trick you into opening the survey that tells you no more than what time it is and what they’re wearing. What the hell kind of passive aggressive chain letter crap is that? Not cool! Thus, despite their helpful aspects, we at ATM are asking that our readers put a stop to the FB survey trend. Just think about how annoying it will be in six months when that no longer hot guy from the mailroom sends out his fifth “25 things about me” and this time answers on behalf of his golden retriever. Whose best feature, incidentally, is her eyes.

Editors Note: Having said all that, when we were tagged in our friends “25 Things About Me” post today the scared 6th grader in us came out.  There was no way we couldn’t not fill it out! We can’t chance not having friends or being single the rest of our lives.  So…click here  for our answers!

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25 Things About Us

January 29, 2009 · Filed under Trends · Tagged , , , , , ,

Rules: If you’re reading this consider yourself tagged! Now you must reply to this post with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you, our Awesome Teen Reader(s).  Just click “comment” and type your 25 random things!  Be anonymous or be yourself, but whoever you are, be honest! 

1.  We are in our mid…okay, fine…late-twenties, but act like we’re 22. Ok fine, 17.

2.  We didn’t lie when we said we order the same sushi rolls from the same sushi place three times a week.

3.  We hate Coldplay, but would totally go to their concert just to catch a glimpse of Apple.

4.  Between the two of us, we’ve read the Twilight series 3 times. (If you factor in that there are 4 books, does that mean we’ve read it 12 times?)

5.  We love the beach but choose not to live there so we don’t have to be seen in bathing suits.

6.  We don’t have an astrologist on staff.  We write the horoscopes. We’re talented and psychic. (If you’re reading Ryan Buell, we’re not committed to this ATM thing. We’d ditch it for you if you asked!). 

7.  We have an iTouch but not an iPhone, yet sometimes call it our iPhone just to fit in.

8.  We hung out with Justin Long when he was only famous for being in Britney Spears’ Crossroads.

9.  We consider kissing any guy who’s appeared on stage (even if it’s open mic night, karaoke Monday, or air band championships) making out with a rock star. And let’s just say we’ve made out with a lot of rock stars.

10.  We buy products based solely on celebrity endorsement. (Did you know the Bowflex was non-refundable?)

11.  We bought a subscription to Cosmo for our dog just so we could snag the “send one to a friend for $5” deal.

12.  To our credit, we’ve seen Vanilla Ice, Danny Wood (he’s the monkey looking New Kid), and Kenny G in concert.

13.  We have been known to drive 30 miles just to shop at Forever 21.

14.  We sneak airplane shots into concerts because we’re too cheap to buy $14 cocktails.

15.  We once hung out in the VIP area with Ludacris.  We didn’t talk to him.

16.  We have the book East of Eden on our shelf but don’t plan on reading it. Wait, does that make us look cool?

17.  We Twitter constantly but clearly know that we’re the only one reading the other’s post.

18.  Our favorite guilty pleasure movies are Center Stage and Ten Things I Hate About You.

19.  Our tween fashion senses were inspired by Clarissa Darling, Kelly Kapowski, and Blossom.

20.  One of us wrote a third grade essay entitled, “Never Give Up: The Story of my Hero, Paula Abdul”

21.  We grew up in a city known for Pee Wee’s big exposure.

22.  We think MySpace is totally 2002 but keep our pages “just in case.”

23.  We think Tyra Banks is annoying, but totally wouldn’t mind looking like her.

24.  We still watch Real World.

25.  We have posted and will continue to post misleading away messages to play the game and keep him guessing.

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Facebook Invasion

January 28, 2009 · Filed under Rants, Trends · Tagged

Once upon a time, we were forced to rely on cell phones and two-ways to carry out our confidential communications. But then, like the answer to our badly behaved prayers, Facebook came into our lives and we all breathed a sigh of relief.  Finally a place to discuss late night plans with friends without clueing in mom, vent work frustrations behind the boss’ back, and post all those photos of us drinking and looking our absolute coolest (there are just some photos that don’t belong over the fireplace).  We woke every morning fearless, able to post “I’m so hung over,” status updates, draw graffiti messages on our co-workers’ walls displaying the heinous outfit our boss wore to the company party, and spent the work days Facebook chatting with that hot guy from accounting.   Ahh, the good ole days. The days we’ll one day tell our grandkids about (if we ever work up the nerve to ask accounting guy out, get him to fall in love with us and marry him).

But then our tagged picture perfect world came crashing down when we received a familar friend request. Sure, there was no photo, but the accompanying message said it all: “JUST WANTED TO SEE WHAT ALL THE FUSS WAS ABOUT WITH THIS my face page YOU’RE ALWAYS ON! LOVE, mom!!!” (What is with the caps?!)  And while she may not know how to upload a photo, we know from all those childhood bedtime stories that she can read all the ‘your mom’ jokes on our wall. But before there was any time to de-tag questionable photos and delete the relationship status that jokingly said we’re in a relationship with John Mayer, Mom was on the phone wanting to know the dish on this new boyfriend, why someone would think it funny to suggest she would do such a thing with a donkey and how did we possibly get home safely the night the photo album, “One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila…just give me the whole effing bottle” was created.

 
And just when we thought it couldn’t get worse than Mom writing daily affirmations on our friends’ walls and sending a friend request to the hot guy from accounting (with the headline “hello future son-in-law!”), a new friend request showed up in our inbox. This one did have a photo. A carefully posed, collared shirt-wearing, down to business smile-smiling photo, the creativity of which rivaled a Bryn-Alan graduation pic. The boss (and we don’t mean Springsteen). “Hi there! Heard this was the best place to network!”  

 
Who’s next? Grandma Dorothy? Reverend Moseby? Maybe it’s time to go back to MySpace. At least there we only have to worry about friend requests from Tila Tequila and a bunch of bands we’ve never heard of.

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