Awesome Teen Mag

Let’s face it – it’s hard to stay on top of the trends these days.  It used to be as simple as having a gay best friend and a little dog, but times have totally changed. When you finally ditched your underwear, it became cool to get a DUI.  And when you learned to like the taste of whiskey (ick!) you had to sober up to learn how to “go green.” Ugh!

You might not be rocking Birkin bag, know how to “superman,” or have standing reservations at Les Deux (the girls on the Hills are sooo awesome!), but you know one affordable and accessible trend that has stood the test of time: Starbucks. You can’t flip through a magazine without seeing the white and green cup in the hand of a Hollywood it-girl and her man of the moment. No one loves a Starbucks run more than Britney. And Mary Kate just can’t start her day off without it. Even Katie Holmes is allowed to leave the house for a cup.

So when Tina and Jessica asked you to help them with their project, you suggested a meeting at Starbucks.  Never ones to miss out on a hot trend, they agreed.

In preparation, you spent the next week at Starbucks learning the difference between Grande and Venti, the importance of asking the barista to make your beverage “with room,” and the ever-confusing lingo: “no whip,”  “half-caf,” and “double foam.”   It was all becoming second nature.  Everything, that is, except the celeb-tested trend of requesting the low fat option.  What’s the point of coffee without cream and sugar?  It doesn’t taste nearly as good. Having been blessed with a metabolism that rivals that of Cameron Diaz, you’re able to accept the full fat option without any weight gaining repercussions.  Looks like things will still work out for you–you can drink Starbucks coffee, not have to pretend like you like it, and still keep your America’s Next Top Model-ready physique.  Tina and Jessica will never suspect you to be a fair-weather coffee drinker.

The day of the meeting arrives with all the fanfare of a new Orlando Bloom flick and you order your Grande Vanilla Latte, no foam, double cup in front of the Starbucks patron elite.  The cute emo guy  behind the counter pauses.  He gives you a second to correct your order.  You freak.   You silently go through the order again in your head.  Nope, you had it right the first time.  The moment feels like an eternity.  Tina and Jessica look confused.  You see your popularity slowly going down the drain with yesterday’s decaf.

The guy (who could totally be Pete Wentz’s twin brother) finally speaks up, “low fat, I assume.” Low fat?  He wants to make your coffee taste like water?  You cautiously look around.  Everyone seems to be nodding in agreement.  So you quickly reply, “well of course.”

Phew! Your slip up didn’t raise too many eyebrows.  The girls even suggested another meeting. They look to you to schedule it.  You must have made a good impression with Starbucks.  Not wanting to make the mistake (or drink another cup of tasteless coffee) you say, “I can meet for a smoothie after Pilates on Thursday.”  The girls think its a great idea and suggest getting mats beside one another. 

You give yourself a silent pat on the back for being considered cool and trendy.  But instead of heading to the mall with the girls, you have to pass so you can go get a gym membership and figure out exactly what Pilates are.