Let’s skip over the formalities of apologizing for our tardiness in posting last week, dear reader(s), you know the drill: Paying work gets in the way of our passion (that passion being you…and all things ATM-related), muses dwindle (Daisy of Love just doesn’t inspire the way Gossip Girl does. PS London? Really?!), and we started a new website: Awesome Taste in Music! All in all, it’s been a busy month or so for us, and for that reason, we’ve been a little preoccupied. But no more! Look at us! Posting on our designated day!
Recently, we discovered a serious problem with our society. (No, not Daisy of Love, though that’s not helping. No, seriously. London??) Over the past few years, we’ve become so reliant on social networking that we’ve forgotten how to behave in the real world. And by behave, we mean date. And by date, we mean stalk.
In the old days, when you had a crush on someone, you found out where they hung out through mutual friends. Maybe someone who knows someone you know worked with them, so you knew where their office was. Occasionally you’d drive past their house. But only when you were really bored. Or in the neighborhood.
Thanks to Facebook and Twitter, there’s no need for that kind of legwork. We know exactly where someone works, when they go to lunch, how they like their coffee, their political view and their quiz results from “Which Garbage Pail Kid are You?” (is that a real quiz? ‘Cause if not we’re totally patenting it!) All of these things are exceptionally handy (and more than a tad creepy), but what if the crush doesn’t have a social networking account?
Gasp! What’s that, you say? There are people out there without Facebook or Twitter? Surely they must have some sort of online profile! Linkdin? Friendster? Nothing?
Nay. (Or would that be yay?) Nothing. Thanks to these “convenient” social networking sites, we’re losing our ability to stalk, er, woo potential suitors with conventional, non-electronic methods. We don’t remember how to drive by in a friend’s car with our heads turned juuuuust so, so that if someone were to be standing in the yard they wouldn’t recognize us. We don’t recall how to approach a co-worker who shares an interest with our object of affection to find out what bar his team/book club/substance abuse support network meets at. And even if we made it to that bar, we wouldn’t know how to find someone who once took his ticket at a show to find out what his favorite band is so we could conveniently put it on the jukebox and smile shyly when he thanked us for playing his fave song and saving him a quarter.
So what is the solution, you ask? The answer is simple: mandatory Facebook pages for all American citizens. Sadly, President Obama does not have a personal Facebook page, nor a reliable Twitter account, so we’ve been unable to reach him/find out where he’ll be playing catch with the girls and Bo so we can chat with him about the plan. Foiled again.
